One more from the holiday archive. This post made me – and a lot of my readers – laugh when it first appeared in this blog several years ago. And because laughter is the best gift I can give you all right now, I thought I’d enhance it (including a new title), put a big bow on it (figuratively, that is), and present it to you here (all shiny and almost new). Season’s giggles to you all.

Whether it’s Charlie Brown and his tiny, brave little tree or Rudolph with his beacon of a red nose; that Grinch we all love to hate or that annoyingly adorable little girl from Miracle on 34^th Street; the inimitable George Bailey and his not-so-wonderful-to-wonderful life or the actually wonderful characters in Love Actually (come on, how can you not love that little kid with the drums?) – these characters and their movies are a big part of the season’s culture. But what if I were to wrap them up a bit differently, even throwing in some additional titles to add to the merry mayhem? To wit:

The Three Scrooges. The madcap adventures of those original wild and crazy guys – the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future – and everyone’s favorite bad boy, Ebenezer. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

It’s a Wonderful Wife. The true story of how George Bailey’s wife coped. Do you know how hard it is to live with a pathological do-gooder? To say nothing of having to listen to those bells ring every time an angel gets its wings?

Frosty the Snowplow. How our villain, disguised as everyone’s favorite snowman, manages to plow in an entire neighborhood’s driveways.

Jingle Sells! Or, how to sell the hell out of the holiday season, now starting as early as July at a store near you.

Randolph the Brown-Nosed Reindeer. The untold story of Rudolph’s kiss-ass cousin (and his plot to win the reindeer games).

How the Winch Stole Christmas. The hilarious account of what happened when dad tried to string holiday lights from the roof and the fire department crane had to get him down.

Let It Snow, Let It Snow – Let It Go Already! A heart-wrenching drama that follows one L.A. woman through therapy as she seeks to get past her frozen, paralyzing, unrealistic hopes for a white Christmas. (Spoiler alert: Not. Going. To. Happen.)

’Twas the Night Before Hanukkah. A retelling of the classic bedtime story wherein “visions of sugarplums” are replaced by “dreams of Bubbe’s latkes,” and that damn mouse is eradicated by pest control. (A mouse in my clean house? Oy!)

Santa Claws Is Coming to Town. The nail-biting thriller about the cat that takes revenge on Santa for always drinking its milk. Now who’s your Santa, baby?

Yes, Virginia, There Is an App for That. The heart-warming tale of one little girl and her quest for the truth: “If I see it on an app, does that make it real?”

This holiday season, may your hearts and tummies be full, your lights be bright, and your stockings be coal-free. And remember to practice safe mistletoe. (Especially you, Vixen.)

©2016, 2023 Claudia Grossman