Every so often, wondering gets the better of me. Not wondering about the big stuff like the meaning of life, but the small, odd stuff, like whose life is the board game LIFE based on anyway? Here, my most recent wonderings:

Why are we instructed to “see dick run, see jane run, see spot run”? Wouldn’t they all be better served if, instead of just observing them, we rescued them from whoever is chasing them?

Why is it “all fun until someone gets poked in the eye”? Is it fun when someone’s arm gets broken, knee gets twisted, or shoulder gets dislocated? Didn’t think so.

“Finders keepers, losers weepers” — what kind of humanity is that?

A show of hands: how many guys out there really believe that if you order that menu item from the fast-food place you’ll get the sexy female you see in the commercial?

(Another show of hands: And how many of you has that worked for?)

Do we really need air fresheners, plug-in air fresheners, automatic-spray-as-you-walk-by air fresheners, candles disguised as air fresheners — or will opening a window solve the problem?

What’s with all the chihuahuas at animal adoption fairs and shelters? Did the original owners give them up because they had thought the dogs would grow?

A question for women: wouldn’t life be easier (also more comfortable and breathable) if we lost the Spanx and gained some perspective on ourselves?

Why would Jack ever wear a crown to go up the hill to get water anyway?

People who go to see those Beatles tribute shows realize they’re not seeing the actual Beatles — right? Then the reason they go is…why, exactly?

If all is fair in love and war, then why not choose love all the time?

What exactly is a Cheshire cat? And why does it keep smiling? And can you make it stop looking at me?

Time to wander back to reality.

© 2013 Claudia Grossman