things I don’t get

Why there are restrictions on buying soda in NY but not on buying cigarettes

Why a contestant on Wheel of Fortune who has this much of the puzzle solved — M_SS_SS_PP_ — insists on buying an “I”

Why people dress their pets in doll clothes and bows

Why some smokers think it’s ok to flick their cigarette ashes out the car window, making the world their ashtray

Why Band-Aids don’t come in a range of skin tones

Why female characters in movies always wake up with a full face of perfect makeup

Why we grew up with it called “the prom” and now it’s just referred to as “prom”

How PEOPLE magazine can name the sexiest man alive or the most beautiful woman in the world — have they actually SEEN everyone?

Why some restaurants feel the need to have their servers ask patrons, “Have you been here before and know how this works?” Is this different than the process of your giving me a menu, my selecting what I want, your bringing it to my table, and my paying you? Didn’t think so.

Why some drivers think a yellow light means “speed up”

Why Jon Hamm has not won an Emmy (see my earlier post)

Why more people don’t use the library — it’s free

Why Baby is so afraid to do the lift

How airplanes stay up

Why some people think saying “I gotta be honest” before insulting you makes the insult acceptable

How Bruce Springsteen still manages to put on a 3 1/2 hour concert

Why I have 10 tubes of the exact same shade of lipstick, from 10 different companies, in my makeup kit

How anyone can resist gelato

Just saying.

© 2012 Claudia Grossman

5 comments on “things I don’t get

  1. Claudia-this whole thing made me laugh this morning… But the “why Baby is so afraid to do the lift” one made me laugh out loud in my bed! Really funny. You should take a standup comedy class.

  2. Thanks, Dawn — I love making people laugh.

  3. Right on! I too laughed out loud. I can answer one of your questions: how airplanes stay up. Once, in my checkered career, at age 15, I taught Aeronautics in the Civil Air Patrol. Airplanes stay up because their wings are curved underneath, causing the air to flow faster under the wing and give the wing a boost upward. That provides the lift. Simpler than you thought, eh?

  4. How come you can “wash something off”, “wash something down” and you can “wash up”, but you can’t wash something on”?………..

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