If you’re lucky enough (read “old enough”) to have seen the original Odd Couple TV series, you probably remember this classic line — the three-peat “Oscar, Oscar, Oscar” said by Felix Unger as he bemoaned one of Oscar Madison’s failings (anything from leaving a half-smoked cigar on the dining room table to leaving sweaty socks on the TV set). For a generation of us, especially Neil Simon fans, the words “Oscar, Oscar, Oscar” became a catchphrase for today’s more compact “really?!”
Which got me to thinking, thinking, thinking. What might be Oscar3 worthy in today’s culture?
Grey, Grey, Grey. Whether it’s 50 Shades or Anatomy, enough, enough, enough.
Congress, Congress, Congress. Shame, shame, shame on you. Serious shame.
The Bachelor, the Bachelor, the Bachelor. How many more times do we need to hear how heartbreaking it is for you to have to choose a wife from the three women you’ve narrowed it down to after a (gasp!) 20-minute courtship? Give it up — no one believes you.
Housewives, Housewives, Housewives. Wherever you’re from — New Jersey, Atlanta, Orange County — if we all shut our eyes and click our heels three times, can we send you back home permanently?
Informercial, Infomercial, Informercial. You say, “Wait, don’t order yet…” for the umpteenth time. I say, “Okay, ‘bye.”
Weather Guy, Weather Guy, Weather Guy. Stop alarming your southern California audience by turning a mildly drizzly day into a “major rain event.” Or else, kindly put your weather report where the sun doesn’t shine.
Brian, Brian, Brian. What were you thinking? And what would Uncle Walter say?
Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. Forget you and Greg as a couple. It’s icky, icky, icky.
Got it? All right, all right, all right.
© 2015 Claudia Grossman