I wrote and published the original version of this post in 2013; it’s shocking to me that I need to rerun it now, thirteen years later, because nothing has changed (except that the numbers have gone up). The reason? The shirt in question (known inexcusably as a “wife beater”) was mentioned recently in one my favorite publications in a piece about a completely unrelated subject. The writer chose, unfortunately, to describe one of the men in the piece as wearing a “wife beater” – and I took umbrage with that via a letter to the editor. While I received no response, I’m hoping that maybe updating and revisiting this post now will spread a little more awareness of the issue. It’s something as obvious as the shirts on our backs (or at least it should be).

The numbers are awful. One in three women in this country (it was one in four when I first wrote this post) will be the victim of domestic violence in her lifetime. That means that if your book group includes eight other women, three of you might suffer. If you’ve got three besties, one of the four of you could end up seriously hurt or worse. And your daughter’s cheerleading squad of 12? You do the math.

Why then, when domestic violence is so prevalent, is society so okay with calling a popular piece of clothing a “wife beater”?

You know the piece I mean. It’s a man’s sleeveless, tight, white ribbed undershirt, also known as an A-shirt or muscle shirt. It looks great on men who are in shape and sexy on women who wear it with cut-offs or jeans. It’s not the garment I have the problem with. It’s the name.

Because the shirt is so often found on macho, violent characters in movies and books, it has become associated with that “type” of man – often a rough, uneducated brute who kicks the dog and gives his wife a black eye when his dinner isn’t on the table on time. In short, a wife beater. The man and, as a result, the shirt.

Bad, right? But you know what’s worse? The fact that the name is used so casually that it has become a part of pop culture. Clearly, its use is never acceptable. By anyone. But the fact that many women have no problem in referring to the shirt by this name makes me incredibly sad.

I’ve been to photo shoots where the direction is to “put the model in a wife beater;” I’ve heard a friend’s teenage daughter say that she was going to wear a “wife beater” to school once the weather warmed up; I’ve seen women’s magazines mention “wife beaters” in their fashion editorial section as a way to look on trend. I’ve even been in a creative meeting where, when the term was used and I objected to it, the response from women in the room was, “What are you making such a big deal about? It’s just a shirt.”

Not really.

I’ve got to believe that all these girls and women (and men, too, of course) aren’t thinking about what they’re saying. Not realizing how demeaning the name “wife beater” is. Not comprehending that using the name sends a horrific message that wife beating is so unimportant that trivializing it as the name of an undershirt is okay.

Hey, it’s not okay. Find another name for the shirt. Pay more attention to the words. Be prouder and more protective of being a woman (and of women). And never let anyone minimize how important you are.

End of story. All the rest is bullshi(r)t.

© 2013 and 2026 Claudia Grossman